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Lifelong Dream by ~lathe:iconlathe:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Abstract


Stabbing soft, kissing deep-
In this dream, in deathly sleep.
Vengeful memories haunt the night,
taunting - cutting - out of spite.
Raking coals across this fire,
drowning slowly in the mire.
I never speak though it may seem
that all I hear is in a dream

Cursing deep, loving soft-
in my attic, in this loft.
Pretty angels quench my light,
taunting - praying - out of spite.
Raking hate across this fire,
flow painlessly through desire.
I never speak, though it may seem
all I speak lies in a dream

I never sleep and never wake-
my life is lived for your sake.
©2003-2010 ~lathe
:iconlathe:

Author's Comments

inspired by music by A Perfect Circle and poetry by J. O'Barr

Comments


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:icondamara:
~damara Dec 8, 2003, 10:42:35 PM
I like this. The words flow and the rhyme scheme seems very natural, except for the last two lines, where the cadence seems to stiffen a bit. The repetition is good for emphasis without being overbearing. Good job.

--
My favorite person this week --> ~falingard
:iconvilefrost:
~vilefrost Dec 9, 2003, 5:54:45 AM
beautiful...flows like water....it does sounds liek somethign maynard would write too...
:iconno-king-blues:
~no-king-blues Dec 9, 2003, 11:20:09 AM
i never speak, though it may seem
all i speak lies in a dream

this part really speaks to me. i was having some nasty ass dreams recently, a sort of sleep paralysis and this hits it right on the dot. crazy how writing such as these can retrieve emotions and things we only feel in dreams

my life is lived for your sake
perfect ending, cat, perfect.

--
do yourself a favor and check this cool cat out :icondannytello:
now, won't you waste your life with us?
:iconlivingpoetsociety::iconga mbitclub::iconnightmarerealm:: iconvoices-visions::iconmetroi dfan::iconindispositioned::ico nteam-naruto::iconsocal:
:iconxtheravenx:
~xtheravenx Dec 9, 2003, 11:40:57 AM
It does flow very well. Good work.

:ninjafella:Matt:ninjafella:

--
The funniest thing I've read in a while:
chown -R us ./base
:iconlathe:
~lathe Dec 9, 2003, 3:57:37 PM
thanks. and its spelled "kat", just so you know. ;) thanks for da comment amigo. i only wish i could remember my dreams.
:iconno-king-blues:
~no-king-blues Dec 10, 2003, 9:01:22 AM
don't mention it, Kat :)

--
do yourself a favor and check this cool cat out :icondannytello:
now, won't you waste your life with us?
:iconlivingpoetsociety::iconga mbitclub::iconnightmarerealm:: iconvoices-visions::iconmetroi dfan::iconindispositioned::ico nteam-naruto::iconsocal:
:iconsweet-agony:
~sweet-agony Dec 11, 2003, 8:54:33 PM
perfect. absolutely love the last line here. and the flow is incredible. it just rolls off your tongue.

--
Meanwhile I talk to myself, as one who has plenty of time. No one tells me anything new; so I tell myself to myself.
:iconfalsereflection:
~FalseReflection Dec 17, 2003, 7:06:49 PM
wow...I'm amazed, that was so awesome. I love it :D Definitley a fave

--
"If my mind's the weapon, my heart's the extra clip." -- The Movielife
:iconriceandprozac:
~riceandprozac Dec 27, 2003, 6:57:14 PM
The usage of vocabulary is nice, if this your vernacular. If not, then it seems out of place and like you're trying too hard. Remember: the thesaurus, inviting as it is, is not always your friend!

Nothing wrong with this in my opinion, except for the grammar and punctuation (both of which I am a stickler for). Also remember: THESE ENHANCE FLOW! These, unlike the thesaurus, are always your friend. Flow is very important.

In my opinion, this piece would benefit in a more structured form. It really has potential.

--
freakish
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